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30 October 2004

Plans Evolve.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Doesn’t feel like it at all. Once again I am missing the caramel apples and pumpkins. Peter seemed to think it was a good idea for me to go home in Dec.-maybe not permanently, but at least for X-mas with the possibility of me then coming back. I am afraid that if I go home I won’t come back. I don’t want to be grounded in the U.S. because people can’t decide on project direction or funding my return airfare. Yesterday I was all pumped about the project being “mine,” being a field manager, putting in some real time on a real conservation project. Peter left it up to me about whether or not I will return to America in December. I haven’t fully made up my mind yet, but as he left I told him no, that I won’t be requiring that ticket. 

On the other hand, my discussions with Peter were a reality check. Sometimes I think I may be a little too isolated and alone here, ending up with these idealistic dreams of living a stress-free life in Thailand. Peter grounded me. He started looking at our data, working in Excel, doing scientist stuff and I was forced to see that part of myself again. I can’t simply ignore that and pretend that I can live where I am for any extended amount of time. I DO have to go to graduate school to challenge myself and work toward my interests. Maybe that is the American perfectionist in me and I was becoming too comfortable being Thai. (But is that a bad thing I have to ask myself)? Peter flat out said that I am ready for graduate school and I want to believe him. I am just still scared. I will apply for the University of Massachusetts and the University of Minnesota in December, but those are the only schools I can manage from here. It will be strained doing the applications as it is.
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03 October 2004

Ants at camp. Respect forest spirits. Sleeping in the forest? Priceless.

The last two weeks have been extremely busy because we went to into the forest for five days on short notice, then direct to Bangkok, then JoGayle and other Smithsonian people were here. I am just now getting any sort of breather/down time. Overall, I feel much more productive now that Kanda has arrived and we have started to sort through the huge mess that is the carnivore project data. 

First, about our five day trip to retrieve seven camera traps…On the 22nd of Sept. we unexpectedly (to me anyway) departed to pick up cameras that had been set out about a month earlier. I find I have to be very very flexible and be ready for many plans of action because usually I don’t get adequate feedback from anyone about our plans. It is partly a language barrier and partly because our plans are constantly changing. Most days I was much too tired to listen intently to try to decipher something in Thai and Kanda was too tired for English with me. The first day of backpacking entailed steep (like really steep) uphill climbing and then a downhill bamboo grabbing obstacle course. Over all of the days in the forest we never covered as many miles/direct distance as I had expected. I don’t know why I didn’t expect the going to be slower. I know the terrain. It is just that we had to stop every few hundred meters for a breather because it was tough going. Probably 30% of the time was spent walking in streams (think trying to maneuver over slippery rocks with a heavy pack while struggling around strangling spiky vines) because that was the only possible passage through certain sections of dense vegetation. We stayed completely soaked wet everyday, all day, from walking through water and from pure sweat. The hammock sleeping turned out ok. I’d say it is a pretty priceless experience and one that I won’t mind repeating. It is not as claustrophobic as I expected. Keeps the mosquitoes out just fine, but not the ants! The first night we picked a poor campsite and I woke up in the middle of the night covered in tiny biting ants. Other highlights. Cord, our ranger navigator, hurt his feet due to sand abrasions. His solution? A home-made bong from a water bottle and bamboo. Surprisingly, I haven’t gotten sick after our trip yet, despite drinking directly from streams along the way.

Let’s see…other stuff. Kanda and I share a room and are getting along fine. I’d say she is fairly “progressive” for a Thai woman, very career oriented and assertive. I think she will work out well for the project. Sometimes I feel useless, like she is doing everything because I can’t ask people for things or organize if the task at all involves Thai. My Thai is not progressing well at all. I have a book filled with words that I hear and try to study with Pom, but I never remember anything. I try not to get frustrated and accept that it will be a slow process. I thought I’d pick up more just listening all the time, but I find myself tuning people out unless I am very focused. Still, I get around doing things easily enough. The chief of the park speaks just enough English for me to have a strained conversation with him. He likes inviting me to dinner so he can practice, however, he can’t pronounce my name so he has taken to calling me Kanchana (a Thai name).

As far as the project, we are just now getting a handle on the big task ahead of us. Organization and quality took a huge downfall in the past couple of months because of the inconsistently of not having a project manager on site. First, they didn’t even have a record of how many camera traps there were originally and how many were lost/stolen/broken. We spent almost an entire day trying to track all of this information down. Part of the problem was getting key people in the same room so the finger pointing couldn’t go out the door. Very frustrating trying to get answers to very simple questions because no one wanted to take responsibility. We are still tracking down cameras that were taken in to be fixed and trying to find photo evidence for all supposedly stolen cameras. At this point we think at least five (!) have been stolen by poachers. Our next big project will be writing an annual report. I know I came into this thing wondering if I’d have enough to keep me busy. Well, turns out I am more than busy. But, it is good. I am enjoying myself despite the daily, every minute almost, frustrations.
 

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