I don’t know how often I find myself saying or thinking “I don’t know.” It is so frequently that I know Pom is getting sick of hearing it. My “I don’t knows” range from: What do you want to eat? I don’t know, I am sick of rice. When will you go in the forest? I don’t know. Our schedule changes literally hourly. To: When will you be back to Thailand? I don’t know! What are you thinking about? I don’t know (because I can’t explain it in Thai).
I spent the last few days at Pom’s house. It was nice, but frustrating as usual because I can’t communicate. I get a range of responses from people trying to talk with me. Some (especially the older folk) just ramble on and expect me to understand. Then they ask me a question and look at me expectantly…waiting for a response. I hate that because I feel really rude that I can’t reply. Then, other people just ignore me. I know they want to talk (as do I), but I can’t understand past the basics (where are you going, have you eaten yet? Etc). The kids are good and always run up to greet me, but eventually even they get bored when I can’t properly answer their questions. I know, I know, this is the time I should be practicing Thai, but instead I just find myself looking forward to being alone again. I often felt like a puppy following Pom around. People come to see me because I am cute and new and different and white and they try to “play” with me, but I can’t understand so I just “jump around and wag my tail” with smiles and nods. And we move on to other interested folks and repeat. And so it goes and I sit and get angry at myself for not learning Thai – yes, I’ve hit the “you’ve been here 8months and could have been practicing each day, why didn’t you!” Mark. This is also getting closer to the “I am ready to go home” mark-“I’ve been at this long enough and things are starting to get to me point.” Up until December things, work, people were still new and exciting and I had a comfortable routine…then it got so nice around January that I couldn’t bear leaving…now I’ve flipped. I am where I want to go home for a change, but then want to come right back to what I had.
So, life is good. I am happy and that is scary. There are so many unexpected things to come. I’ve got three months left and am trying to plan, but it is difficult with all of the “I don’t knows.” I DO know that I will be starting the grad. program at U. of Massachusetts Amherst in the fall (Did I tell you that? The PhD program). Oh, and really good news: I got an NSF Graduate Research Fellowship so I don’t have to worry about support from the school!
I am trying to move ahead with starting to collect pilot data for my dhole project. I hope to setup transects to measure deer pellets, but even that is delay after delay. It took a month just to buy rebar stakes (to mark the end of the transects) and I’m currently waiting for Kanda to return from Bangkok with them. But, then I have to find the days to setup everything in between writing a 6 month progress report, going out in the forest, meetings, a trip to Cambodia to get my VISA renewed, etc, etc.
Songkran
Happy Thai New Year! This time I got to see the real traditions surrounding Songkran (not just the water fights that are advertised for the tourists). Kanda mentioned that the water throwing of Songkran demonstrates the Thai culture – the attitude to “take it easy,” smile, and be tolerant. You show this when you thank people for dousing you with water. And, further, it is pleasant, flower petal strewn fragrant water. A festival like this would never work in America—it would ultimately end up in someone acting too far, resulting in a fight.
In the morning Pom and I went around visiting various relatives and pouring water over the hands of elders as a sign of respect. Everyone offered meals. Driving on the motorbike we were forced to slow at makeshift “checkpoints” where kids and drunk young adults would douse us with water and pat our faces white with talcum powder. Afternoon event at the Wat to pour water over Buddha statues and monks’ hands. Around five, after a shower, on to Pom’s neighborhood Wat. Interesting, but long…over 2 hours. I sat until my knee burned and feet were numb. As the monks chanted the entire group gathered and was joined by halos of white string dangling from a string lattice work above our heads. Made merit by leaving 20 baht on a money tree. Party/festival mood.
15 April 05
Back to the temple. I was grabbed by women to dance and be force-fed whiskey. This is the same group of old biddies you would expect to see smuggle in a flask to bingo night …. The sort of women who would strut around in huge fancy purple hats. They enjoy life and I enjoy that they accept me. Also did the proper traditional ceremony of pouring water over the hands of Buddha statues and a line of monks. Our celebration was interrupted by a downpour of rain—no matter, the party proceeded to frantic dancing in the rain!
In the morning Pom and I went around visiting various relatives and pouring water over the hands of elders as a sign of respect. Everyone offered meals. Driving on the motorbike we were forced to slow at makeshift “checkpoints” where kids and drunk young adults would douse us with water and pat our faces white with talcum powder. Afternoon event at the Wat to pour water over Buddha statues and monks’ hands. Around five, after a shower, on to Pom’s neighborhood Wat. Interesting, but long…over 2 hours. I sat until my knee burned and feet were numb. As the monks chanted the entire group gathered and was joined by halos of white string dangling from a string lattice work above our heads. Made merit by leaving 20 baht on a money tree. Party/festival mood.
15 April 05
Back to the temple. I was grabbed by women to dance and be force-fed whiskey. This is the same group of old biddies you would expect to see smuggle in a flask to bingo night …. The sort of women who would strut around in huge fancy purple hats. They enjoy life and I enjoy that they accept me. Also did the proper traditional ceremony of pouring water over the hands of Buddha statues and a line of monks. Our celebration was interrupted by a downpour of rain—no matter, the party proceeded to frantic dancing in the rain!