Return to KYNP
Khao Yai National Park (KYNP) after being away for 6 months. No Pom. It feels different – sad and lonely in a quiet run-down way. The door to our old room at Baan Glang Pai is locked and barricaded. Students are sleeping in the massage room. Old cooking supplies are heaped in the corner of the kitchen with the nice beautiful, long heavy slab of wood table going unused – it all collecting dust. Pom’s Buddha statue is gone, stolen. I’m sleeping for the week in my and Kanda’s old room – Kanda and Pim elected to sleep elsewhere in tents—the room has no working toilet and is covered in cobwebs and dirt. It is obvious Kanda hasn’t stayed for months here. I’m sitting out in the front on the steps enjoying the cool clean weather and forest sounds. Amazing how amplified and beautiful and obvious the bird sounds are after being in the city. AND THE AIR! When I used to stay here more long-term all of that would blend into the background. I want to blend into the background. I feel a gaping, gnawing sadness to seeing this place again so dejected. I wonder if we will ever try to return and make it home again.
Life in Ari, Bangkok
It doesn’t feel as though I’ve been here for 2 weeks already. I had Thai on Monday and Tuesday with two different teachers. Monday’s teacher, Khun Nui, is more like a slow grade school teacher following the book and catching my every pronunciation. Wednesday’s Khun Nhauy is more conversational and started me on reading. I listened to some students at a lower level and I am glad I have progressed beyond very basic on my own. I hope the script and reading comes back to me quickly after not studying this last school semester…I get myself up to go to class, but by the time the two hours are through I don’t feel like much else for the day. Still, if I could consistently study 2 hours of Thai a day, every day, I might get somewhere.
Our apartment is setup for me to be productive with Internet access in the room. On one side of the sky train station, Ari, are traditional Thai street vendors with 30 baht meals and a 7-11 store. We can buy flowers, fruit rice, kanom, fish, soup, newspapers, pirated CD’s, and trinkets. On the other side of the sky train station is a new “farang”-style market place with an air-conditioned supermarket specializing in imported foods, pricey restaurants, ice-cream, Starbucks, and a gym. This weekend we sat and listened to a jazz band in the square. Two worlds – all convenient. It might be difficult to get me back to living in the forest with the rats of Khao Yai.
Our apartment is setup for me to be productive with Internet access in the room. On one side of the sky train station, Ari, are traditional Thai street vendors with 30 baht meals and a 7-11 store. We can buy flowers, fruit rice, kanom, fish, soup, newspapers, pirated CD’s, and trinkets. On the other side of the sky train station is a new “farang”-style market place with an air-conditioned supermarket specializing in imported foods, pricey restaurants, ice-cream, Starbucks, and a gym. This weekend we sat and listened to a jazz band in the square. Two worlds – all convenient. It might be difficult to get me back to living in the forest with the rats of Khao Yai.
PhD Comprehensive Exams
I PASSED. It feels absolutely wonderful and anti-climatic at the same time. The exam lasted 2 and ½ hours and I actually felt pretty relaxed throughout – in no ways fun exactly, but I was smiling and interacting and answering questions. Toward the end they kind of ran out of questions and said they didn’t want to ask anything more so I thought I was golden. Then, Todd asked about key Evolutionary Biologists and I blanked and it went downhill. That hit my weak spot. Exposed. It was weird because overall, the questions didn’t seem hard enough – I expected more zingers where I thought I’d be at a complete loss or end up in tears. Maybe I have matured enough to be able to keep myself calm. When I left the room for them to deliberate I honestly thought I’d nailed it to the best of my ability. I thought there was no way they could not pass me. I did heaps better than my performance during my Kzoo oral comps. And, I am proud of that.
So, I was very surprised when I got back in the room and they were disappointed. They passed me, but it wasn’t stellar and was provisional upon me returning for a few extra classes and to teach a course. These are all reasonable, will enhance my degree, and I would probably have ended up doing anyway. It is a bit annoying that I can’t say I am completely done with classes, but I never really would be anytime. In a way I feel they are just pushing me – expected, but annoying because I do plenty of that myself!
So, I wasn’t one of those students (one out of 5 according to Todd) who absolutely “nailed” it and yes, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that that does disappoint me, but I didn’t really expect (require) that of myself for this (I wanted to yes,), but this area of thinking on my feet and thinking in front of people I feel are judging me in some way is my weakness and I did better than I ever would have dreamed and that is something to be proud of. I could really notice an improvement in my confidence level compared to as an undergraduate and that was the biggest revelation that came out of today. I am improving.
So, I was very surprised when I got back in the room and they were disappointed. They passed me, but it wasn’t stellar and was provisional upon me returning for a few extra classes and to teach a course. These are all reasonable, will enhance my degree, and I would probably have ended up doing anyway. It is a bit annoying that I can’t say I am completely done with classes, but I never really would be anytime. In a way I feel they are just pushing me – expected, but annoying because I do plenty of that myself!
So, I wasn’t one of those students (one out of 5 according to Todd) who absolutely “nailed” it and yes, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that that does disappoint me, but I didn’t really expect (require) that of myself for this (I wanted to yes,), but this area of thinking on my feet and thinking in front of people I feel are judging me in some way is my weakness and I did better than I ever would have dreamed and that is something to be proud of. I could really notice an improvement in my confidence level compared to as an undergraduate and that was the biggest revelation that came out of today. I am improving.