Thailand In Review

23 Jan 2004

We came across a Reticulated Python on trail Tawk this evening; big around as my thigh. 4-5m length. “Large adults can be dangerous to humans” reads the snake guide. I wanted to see one before I left and now I have. Nice. Need I say more?

28 Jan 2004

I am typing my last entry from Thailand at home this afternoon. Home. How many places will become “home” to me; will I ever own on actual permanent home? As I write I’m listening to a group of workers jab and talk. I’m going to miss hearing the language, the inflection, the simple foreignness of it to me. Will it feel odd to sit in a restaurant and understand every passing conversation when I return to America? I told myself I will not feel guilty for taking the time to explore now while I am flexible. (Yet, a little voice asks, just how long is it reasonable for that “exploration” to go on? How long before you are no longer really exploring, but instead are avoiding decisions / challenges / responsibility?)

My biggest regret this year is that I did not learn Thai. I made some effort and know the characters (but not the tone rules for reading) and some basic sentences, key vocabulary. I could have studied harder, daily. I am embarrassed by my lack of effort and understanding despite having the time to learn and plenty of resources (books and Wichian, my private forest tutor). I just never developed a kept routine. I always told myself that if I was put into an environment where I had to learn a language I could do it. In fact, I am considering graduate school programs where I would spend time studying in South America and be required to learn Spanish – my thoughts being that maybe I would finally pull together all of the bits of Spanish I struggled so much with in high school and college….Now I realize (or perhaps have resigned myself to the idea) that me becoming multi-lingual is something I may never achieve.

Yesterday was my last day working in the forest. As I sat finishing a full day with PB I realized that I was focused all day, drawing and learning individuals, discussing with Lek where new trails should be cut, which trails should be measured next. These last days I am working as if I am not leaving, but I guess what else would I do? There is a feeling of disappointment of leaving the project “unfinished,” just as we are ready to “name” the PB individuals and expand the scope of the data collection. Andreas and Carola have been preparing plans for the upcoming workshop and next month’s schedule – things I won’t be participating in, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit left out.

Working in Thailand a year has been demanding, yes, and the introduction to a new culture stressful at times, but overall I had no deadlines, only my own expectations to meet. I had time to think and time to sleep. How have I changed after living in Thailand for a year (Thailand, Kate!)? Practically speaking, I think I have gained more confidence to deal with future unknowns. Recently I spent a week in Bangkok by myself, rode the bus, and hitch-hiked home – all alone. I just did what I had to do to communicate. Skill wise, I have skills of identifying individual animals and recording activity budget. I am comfortable with a machete. I can start a generator. I drive a motorbike. I enjoy driving a motorbike. Probably one of the most unexpected events of my Thailand stay though has been the joy I found in teaching English. At first I was dragged in by guilt about helping Eileen, but now I find myself engaged in thinking and planning new lessons. The kids draw energy from me that I didn’t know I possessed...