Mid-life Crisis

I’ve spent days scanning photos, organizing data. Lately, my job has been a desk job and as a result the pants are fitting a little tighter! In November we were too swamped with other commitments to do a field trip for camera set up, in December I couldn’t go because I had to go to Malaysia for my VISA, and this month I didn’t go because Namfon (who is the coordinator for this project from WildAid) wanted to go in my place. I am missing field living and hiking. But, oh, we have gotten some great photos from our cameras. Another clouded leopard, and my favorite, a beautiful dhole. I think this is going to be my study animal if I can pull it off (now that I’m past my little crisis).

Yes, I had a bit of a mid-life crisis around New Year (well, ok, not exactly mid-life, but you get the idea). As you know, I end up with way to much time to think out here. As always, I am having major doubts about graduate school. I don’t know if I am over analyzing or should stop for once and listen to my doubts. My doubts about school aren’t a surprise, but I also had major doubts about a career in conservation biology. Ok, still not shocking, so here it is: I had serious thoughts about living in Thailand. I have been thinking about my life choices everyday EVERYDAY and really started to confuse myself. I began to wonder if the stress of school was worth it especially if there is no guarantee of a job afterward and for the rest of my career it will be a struggle every step of the way. Retreating to Thailand and living a simple life as a teacher was pulling me in. The choice would be an extreme way of living simply… a less-stressful, less consumptive lifestyle and graduate school represents that rat-race way of living in America. In other words, I am drawn to the overall Thai approach to life. The culture here is so opposite of America. In some ways, I feel it is a step back in time, with people living in a way that is sustainable and community oriented. I have visited Pom’s home/neighborhood a couple of times and from the start was welcomed with open arms. The phrase “my house is your house” applies. I stayed in a room at his aunt’s house (they kicked out a little kid to make up a guest room for me) without any prior announcement of my coming and their family shared meals, etc. with me, tried to talk with me to make me feel comfortable. I wonder if we would offer the same hospitality to a foreigner. At the rest of the neighborhood houses it is also an open door policy. Literally. During dinner, random children wandered in to play, calling across yards, and adults walked by (mostly to get a glimpse of me). Everyone knows everyone’s business (and while perhaps the lack of privacy would get to me eventually, it is also nice to really feel part of a community). You can completely feel the difference from our isolated lives in America. (It is such a great difference that when I was discussing it with Kanda, she likened neighborhoods in the states to cemeteries because of their “quietness” and sense of isolation).

Anyway, so I am past trying to escape to an “easier” life now and will be going to school (if I get accepted…I’m a bit worried because I only applied to two schools). I got a positive email from Dr. Fuller (U. of Mass.) who wrote me a letter to support my application and I recently got the contact info. from someone out in San Diego who may be interested in Dhole, so things are coming together even more.

Daily life is routine now. I can’t complain. We are starting to get rain again sporadically after over two months with nothing. It feels cold here (but doesn’t get below 60 at night). I don’t know how I am going to survive a return to the states and single digits! Believe it or not, as I sit typing this email it is 70 but I am wearing a sweater. My body has adjusted to warmer temps.

Shoot, I’ve got to run…literally. I have to go chase away the pig-tail macaques from eating my bananas!