Never a Sure Thing

So, I can cry now, right? I sat down at my computer with optimism and a renewed energy to move forward and make this day better – happier. I checked email. Letter from Fulbright. Short-non-encouraging. No grant. I think it is worse too, when it was built up in my mind to be so positive, *almost* a sure thing. The committee at UMass said it was one of the best grants they have ever read. I got through the first screening stage in the USA. I spent so much effort organizing the letters and language forms – too much to want to try to reapply. I am devastated. I had been counting on this flexible grant for my country-wide interview surveys – my work for this year. I really really thought this one would come through – especially after the Lindbergh being so close it felt like I should get something, so something would work out. But, this is not happy, everything falls into place because you work hard, land. It is reality and the meat of graduate school barriers and emotional roller-coasters. I feel the past proposals I wrote were solid and darn good—but, not apparently good enough. And that doesn’t get me anything.