The States

I’ve been traveling for over 24 hours now. Sitting on the plane, ready to taxi out and depart from Detroit to Hartford. I’m looking forward to a hot shower, downing sleeping pills, and falling into a soft bed. I am not looking forward to school. I hope I can get engaged in things, plug back into the U.S. once classes start in four days. I realized most (if not all) of my diary musings from Thailand are the frustrations—nothing documenting the excitement and possibilities of seeing dholes and being in a foreign culture. I guess it was overshadowed and that is going to have to change.

Clouded Doubts

Why these foul moods? I know I didn’t sleep well, still, I should not feel this lifeless and blah and depressed. Moments of deep loneliness this morning even as I sit with Pom. Symptoms of the hot pressing weather or the incessantly slow Thai way of life?? The same old questions run through my head, “Can my research plan really work?” I feel so small and inexperienced, unable to tackle such a huge endeavor. Yet, I know in my gut I can do it and my mind flits past the negative thinking more quickly now and settles back on my past conclusion of – “hey, what would I rather be doing? Because there will be challenges and stressors with any path….” I have to settle on that and accept it or go crazy thinking over all the alternatives.