I spent the bulk of December back in the U.S. Before coming home for the holidays to visit my family, I spent 10 days at the Smithsonian Conservation and Research Center GIS lab. We looked at 3 years of camera trapping data from Khao Yai National Park and struggled with stepwise logistic regression models. The models incorporate variables such as distance to nearest road, ranger station, village, etc. to predict carnivore presence at the park. Most interesting, we made a map layer that assigns a cost to get to a camera trap point from the park boundary taking into account elevation (i.e. how accessible is the area to a poacher?). The time was very productive and with a bit more work, I am hoping to get a model that accurately predicts carnivore presence to proximity from people. In the best case scenario, we might be able to use the model to make management recommendations. For example, how would carnivore distribution change if the park increased protection measures in certain areas?
I am finalizing the models and plan to finish a draft manuscript (target “Animal Conservation”) by early January, before leaving for Thailand again.
Red Tape
During November I became painfully familiar with the offices of the National Research Council, Provincial Town Halls, Consular Affairs, and Immigration. I spent a week traveling to four provinces where I plan to do interview surveys. I needed to show up in person and get signed letters of permission to begin work. Getting these signatures varied by office, from a wait time of four hours to 15 minutes.
Also, finally, after 5 different visits to three different offices, I obtained a research visa. This is essential for my long term work in the country.
As for research, I completed 100 interviews of villagers around Khao Ang Rue Nai Wildlife Sanctuary with help from the Sanctuary research staff. I learned to carry reading glasses with me to help facilitate the identification of wildlife photos by the older interviewees!
I will be back in Thailand (after a month’s break to the U.S.) to begin work in mid-January. I hope by that time the trapping permits for dholes will be secured…
Also, finally, after 5 different visits to three different offices, I obtained a research visa. This is essential for my long term work in the country.
As for research, I completed 100 interviews of villagers around Khao Ang Rue Nai Wildlife Sanctuary with help from the Sanctuary research staff. I learned to carry reading glasses with me to help facilitate the identification of wildlife photos by the older interviewees!
I will be back in Thailand (after a month’s break to the U.S.) to begin work in mid-January. I hope by that time the trapping permits for dholes will be secured…
Still Waiting for Permits
Since returning to Thailand on the 21st of September I have been busy analyzing data collected as part of the carnivore monitoring project I am involved with at Khao Yai National Park. I plan to spend two weeks at the Smithsonian’s Conservation and Research Center in December to work with Dr. Peter Leimgruber and to draft a journal publication related to this project.
I have also entered the data from 87 villager surveys around Khao Yai National Park. Last Friday I was granted permission to conduct interviews outside of Khao Ang Rue Nai Wildlife Sanctuary. I will pickup the documents for permits this week and expect to start those interviews around November 12th.
I am still waiting for permits to research dholes in Khao Ang Rue Nai. My collaborator from the Smithsonian, Dr. Nucharin Songsasen, is in Thailand this month and we are dealing with the requested changes to the original permit proposal.
Dr. Songsasen and I attended a canid workshop on 25th-27th of October. This was setup in collaboration with the Smithsonian Institution and Kasetsart University in Thailand. I presented canid data from three years of camera trapping at Khao Yai. I think it was an extremely productive meeting which brought together interested parties in canid research throughout the country. One output was a step by step plan (including programs, activities, and actors) for developing canid research in Thailand.
The workshop benefited my work because it was good exposure to make key players aware of our planned dhole research at Khao Ang Rue Nai. We also made progress with our relationship with Kasetsart Univ. students and plan future research collaborations with them. The activities in the next few years will be on ecology and education, particularly outreach aiming at changing perceptions of visitors and rangers toward dholes.Upcoming at the beginning of November, I will be transitioning my work out of Khao Yai to focus on Khao Ang Rue Nai.
I have also entered the data from 87 villager surveys around Khao Yai National Park. Last Friday I was granted permission to conduct interviews outside of Khao Ang Rue Nai Wildlife Sanctuary. I will pickup the documents for permits this week and expect to start those interviews around November 12th.
I am still waiting for permits to research dholes in Khao Ang Rue Nai. My collaborator from the Smithsonian, Dr. Nucharin Songsasen, is in Thailand this month and we are dealing with the requested changes to the original permit proposal.
Dr. Songsasen and I attended a canid workshop on 25th-27th of October. This was setup in collaboration with the Smithsonian Institution and Kasetsart University in Thailand. I presented canid data from three years of camera trapping at Khao Yai. I think it was an extremely productive meeting which brought together interested parties in canid research throughout the country. One output was a step by step plan (including programs, activities, and actors) for developing canid research in Thailand.
The workshop benefited my work because it was good exposure to make key players aware of our planned dhole research at Khao Ang Rue Nai. We also made progress with our relationship with Kasetsart Univ. students and plan future research collaborations with them. The activities in the next few years will be on ecology and education, particularly outreach aiming at changing perceptions of visitors and rangers toward dholes.Upcoming at the beginning of November, I will be transitioning my work out of Khao Yai to focus on Khao Ang Rue Nai.
We're Moving
My main site for the radio-telemetry of dholes will be moved from Khao Yai National Park (KYNP) to Khao Ang Rue Nai (KARN) due to a more supportive environment in KARN. I expect permits by the end of September for KARN. I am still proceeding with the permit process for a carnivore monitoring project at KYNP that could include dhole research as a backup site.
I met with a Thai graduate student who showed me data collected by the Thailand Department of National Parks. This consisted of sign surveys throughout the country for large mammals and included a country-wide distribution map for dholes. Therefore, I will no longer be targeting my interview surveys country-wide. Instead, I will focus on an intensive comparison between KYNP and KARN. This should prove interesting because KARN has a more recent history of intensive logging and village residence within the sanctuary.
I received (as co-investigator) funding for $25,000 through the Association for Zoos and Aquariums. I have recently submitted a grant proposal to WCS and am preparing one for Fulbright.
Upcoming at the end of October, I will be organizing a one day dhole workshop in collaboration with the Smithsonian Institution and Kasetsart University in Thailand.
I am on my way back to Thailand on the 21st of September and plan to be there for at least a year.
I met with a Thai graduate student who showed me data collected by the Thailand Department of National Parks. This consisted of sign surveys throughout the country for large mammals and included a country-wide distribution map for dholes. Therefore, I will no longer be targeting my interview surveys country-wide. Instead, I will focus on an intensive comparison between KYNP and KARN. This should prove interesting because KARN has a more recent history of intensive logging and village residence within the sanctuary.
I received (as co-investigator) funding for $25,000 through the Association for Zoos and Aquariums. I have recently submitted a grant proposal to WCS and am preparing one for Fulbright.
Upcoming at the end of October, I will be organizing a one day dhole workshop in collaboration with the Smithsonian Institution and Kasetsart University in Thailand.
I am on my way back to Thailand on the 21st of September and plan to be there for at least a year.
Waiting to SEE
I decided to Just DO IT a week after I had the initial 3 hour check over. Today I underwent laser eye surgery to finally rid me of glasses. I had the older version of Lasik—PRK—where they use chemicals to remove the top epithelial layer of cornea cells (versus the true Lasik where a flap is cut and the laser is applied under that layer). I didn’t have a choice of procedures after they discovered that I have a thin cornea. I felt calm, but a little nervous, as this is my only set of eyes after all. I elected to do both eyes on the same day because then they can adjust together. The prep. was well organized, multiple numbing eye drops and my eyes would jerk in response to the drops falling. They checked that and gave me increasing dosages until it stopped. Yes, we do want to be sure my eye is fully fully numb! I admit I was more worried about pain due to improperly numbed eyes than I was worried about going blind (that seemed too slim of a chance).
They cleaned my face with anti-bacterial wash and spread over a “saran-wrap” shield with eye holes poked out. Ready to remove cell layers. This could have been better explained to me before hand. More eye drops were applied and the result was slowly blurring vision and suddenly a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Literally. It was as if my brain was watching the cells die and then finally the neurons couldn’t register any longer. Cell death. It was a feeling of both simultaneous awe and horror. On the second eye, my left, I was concentrating so hard on the red light of the laser (like they instruct you to do so you don’t move), that all I could think, repeating in increasingly warning of danger message scrolling in my mind: “I’m being vaporized, my eye is being vaporized, the cells are being vaporized!” I could feel moisture evaporating from my face and a slight smell of burning flesh. I involuntarily jerked my head. The laser shut off and the procedure had to start again. Ok, so now I was freaking that they zapped the wrong section of my eye – that it got off-centered or something. Yet, my surgeon assured me the procedure went great. I went home with double eye patches and crashed from the stress of it all.
Update (2 September 2007): The protective contacts that are inserted after the surgery were removed after 4 days. I could not adequately read my computer to do office work until 2 weeks after surgery and it was quite unnerving waiting for both eyes to come into focus and stabilize. But, a month after the surgery, I am seeing with what feels to be 98% clarity and my eyes “feel” normal as I look around and focus at varying distances. I have another doctor’s appointment at the end of September and of course I’ll feel better when I am confirmed 20/20 on the eye chart…
Update (December 2008): I'm not quite seeing 20/20, but it is darn near close. I have no problems with my eyes, other than slight dry-eye (and not consistent enough to be an issue). It is quite easy to take for granted the ability to see clearly with no glasses.
They cleaned my face with anti-bacterial wash and spread over a “saran-wrap” shield with eye holes poked out. Ready to remove cell layers. This could have been better explained to me before hand. More eye drops were applied and the result was slowly blurring vision and suddenly a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Literally. It was as if my brain was watching the cells die and then finally the neurons couldn’t register any longer. Cell death. It was a feeling of both simultaneous awe and horror. On the second eye, my left, I was concentrating so hard on the red light of the laser (like they instruct you to do so you don’t move), that all I could think, repeating in increasingly warning of danger message scrolling in my mind: “I’m being vaporized, my eye is being vaporized, the cells are being vaporized!” I could feel moisture evaporating from my face and a slight smell of burning flesh. I involuntarily jerked my head. The laser shut off and the procedure had to start again. Ok, so now I was freaking that they zapped the wrong section of my eye – that it got off-centered or something. Yet, my surgeon assured me the procedure went great. I went home with double eye patches and crashed from the stress of it all.
Update (2 September 2007): The protective contacts that are inserted after the surgery were removed after 4 days. I could not adequately read my computer to do office work until 2 weeks after surgery and it was quite unnerving waiting for both eyes to come into focus and stabilize. But, a month after the surgery, I am seeing with what feels to be 98% clarity and my eyes “feel” normal as I look around and focus at varying distances. I have another doctor’s appointment at the end of September and of course I’ll feel better when I am confirmed 20/20 on the eye chart…
Update (December 2008): I'm not quite seeing 20/20, but it is darn near close. I have no problems with my eyes, other than slight dry-eye (and not consistent enough to be an issue). It is quite easy to take for granted the ability to see clearly with no glasses.
Honda Wave
I bought my fist vehicle today – a Honda Wave 125i motorbike in Thailand. It is special because it is the only fuel injection model. I settled on this model because my brother (who designs engines) thought it is decent. We decided on a 2year old used second-hand bike—a sharp streamlined silver. I had wanted the firefly green, but it had a cracked frame. It is a manual shift, but with no hand clutch. Automatic start.
Funding Fieldwork
I feel as though all I am doing is writing grant proposal after grant proposal: 7 full proposals so far this year (and currently two in progress). Excitement and disappointment. Last night I fretted and waited, restarted and waited, retried and waited some more – over 45 minutes of attempting to download an attachment from Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS) about the outcome of the very long grant proposal I submitted to them last year. I was taking classes when I prepared it and put a lot of time and effort into the writing. That didn’t matter. Rejection. Again. All of my grants thus far have been rejected. Ok – I could expect that as I waited for the slow internet connection in anticipation, but I had built up a positive aura around this one because the file size was large (too large for a 1 page “sorry, we regret to inform you..”). Instead, I thought it could maybe contain directions on next steps in the process. It turns out the large file was due to attached reviews and they were nasty. To the point of criticizing my spelling and using that to imply I am a sloppy writer who knows nothing of the subject matter, my questions are meaningless, and “the proposal goes downhill from there…” After reading the reviews I am embarrassed that I sent the proposal out there and there are now senior scientists working in my field who associate my name with sloppy grant writing. On first reading, I thought the reviews were demeaning. On second reading, I realized that they brought up good points that need to be addressed in my dissertation proposal.
Cockroaches a Plenty
Returned from a week workshop in Cambodia and had one day to pack up our apartment and move out. I was in a comfortable (with internet) apartment for three months for $300/mo., but that proved too expensive on my meager student non-salary. We thought we had the day to move, but management called and wanted us out by noon. We thought we had options that were looked into earlier in the month, but when we went to sign a new lease, found out places were now full. Pom gets huge points for staying calm (which kept me calm) and we found a place last minute.
So, we moved into a literal shoebox apartment for $50/mo. Shared bathrooms with squat toilets and I feel like I’m in the dorms from hell. But, it will suffice for now. It is more of a place to store my accumulated junk and as a base in Bangkok, then a long-term living option. The room is literally 5x10 feet, if that. Did I mention the shared bathrooms? Yes, shared. I have to go downstairs to squat over a toilet with my knees touching the cracked tiles. Nasty, but adequate. The room has an overhead fan which keeps the room cool enough, but doesn’t fully clear the sticky humidity. We organized and fit in all of my crates and bags with the help of a newly purchased cabinet and a helpful taxi driver. More points for Pom, assembly last night after a tiring moving day. Only had a rickety, knock-off, cheapy Leatherman tool to do the job. The room was rented without furniture (there would be no room for anything)! Still, even though I’ll only be here 2-3 weeks this month and then only 4-6 days a month after that, sleeping on cement floor is not very inviting.
So, we moved into a literal shoebox apartment for $50/mo. Shared bathrooms with squat toilets and I feel like I’m in the dorms from hell. But, it will suffice for now. It is more of a place to store my accumulated junk and as a base in Bangkok, then a long-term living option. The room is literally 5x10 feet, if that. Did I mention the shared bathrooms? Yes, shared. I have to go downstairs to squat over a toilet with my knees touching the cracked tiles. Nasty, but adequate. The room has an overhead fan which keeps the room cool enough, but doesn’t fully clear the sticky humidity. We organized and fit in all of my crates and bags with the help of a newly purchased cabinet and a helpful taxi driver. More points for Pom, assembly last night after a tiring moving day. Only had a rickety, knock-off, cheapy Leatherman tool to do the job. The room was rented without furniture (there would be no room for anything)! Still, even though I’ll only be here 2-3 weeks this month and then only 4-6 days a month after that, sleeping on cement floor is not very inviting.
Gemini
I don’t ever rely on horoscopes to direct my thinking, but my horoscope today (from online MSN as I was checking the news) fits my life to a T right now: Gemini: “Boy, your life seems seriously out of balance, doesn’t it dear Gemini? Today provides an opportunity to rethink what is truly important to you. Try considering exercise as a priority in improving your health and managing your stress level. Once you get started with a healthy regimen you will see how it helps you gain a new perspective. It is likely that the cause of all this stress can be eliminated when viewed through a different lens.”
Krabi Break to Break my Crabby Mood
So, a bit about our recent jaunt down to Krabi town in Southern Thailand. I did indeed come back with a terrific sunburn. Yes, I plastered on the sun block each and every time after getting out of the water, but it didn’t do a thing. I don’t know if the stuff was old (but newly purchased) or doesn’t have the strength we are used to because the Thais start out with naturally dark skin and don’t burn.
The planning for this was all last minute, my guidebook out of date, and the hotel/spa choices on the internet overwhelming. So, we decided to find a hotel once we arrived and hoped they weren’t booked solid. We flew into Krabi town, but it simply acts as a jumping off point for tours and other beach locations. Pom had fun on his first Commercial air flight on Nok (bird in Thai) Air, though for some reason he was shy about using the toilet in flight. On our return after delay due to a heavy rainstorm, we hit perfect timing and saw an incredible sunset and then the lights of BKK at night.
Anyway, so the range of accommodations in the area ranges from rock-bottom windowless rooms to 5 star resort spas with private villas and beaches. On the recommendation of a tour guide we took a Songtaew bus (back of a pickup) to Ao Nang beach and looked for a room there. I was a bit shocked at the high prices, and after spending about two hours walking from hotel to hotel and seeing some shabby rooms at some places, all in the same price range, I settled on a mid-range hotel for $60/night (disgustingly expensive in Pom’s view, but I wanted a relaxing atmosphere and a good shower): Alis Hotel
Even the 5 star resorts are not horrendously expensive in Western terms. You could book yourself a fancy suite or villa with private Jacuzzi and free use of kayaks, snorkeling gear, ATV’s, etc. for $250/night on a private white sand beach.
You could probably use about a week to exhaust the possibilities in and around Krabi, but after my sunburn (luckily on our last full day), I was tired and hot and ready to leave. All of the tour agencies and vendors sell the same basic itineraries and trinkets so prices are kept competitive. The choices range from longtail boat trips to nearby beaches, islands, or a longer larger boat trip to Phi Phi island (the one thing we wish we had time to explore). Lots of horseback/elephant riding and kayak options to tour the mangroves. We decided not to sign up for an all day kayak tour because we had limited time to explore on our own.
I expected the beaches to be claustrophobically crowded, but it was just the opposite. The town, in fact, was a bit depressingly quiet at night. Pom had difficulty finding a good bar with music for a drink. It was the high tourist season, but the shopkeepers lamented they are still seeing low numbers after the Tsunami.
Our first full day we spent exploring the fancy resorts along Ao Nang and the massage huts along the beach. We both got a 2 hour Thai massage ($5/hour!) on the beach, the combination of sea air, sheer limestone cliffs, pure white sand, and emerald waters perfectly calming despite the masseuse chattering away.
The next day we woke early and hailed a longtail boat to tour four surrounding islands. Our first stop was Poda, but when we disembarked the driver informed us this would be the only stop. He refused to tour other areas and the ticket booth where we bought the tickets on the mainland even lied to Pom about the trip. But, there was nothing we could do about it and were “stuck” for 5 hours on Poda. Turns out the beach never got close to being crowded (even when more boat tours arrived later in the day) and there are basic bungalows available for rent on the island for $25/night with a beachfront view (if we only knew before we booked our expensive “boutique hotel.”). The catch? The island was underwater after the Tsunami and is a RED HAZARD ZONE. Regardless, we found plenty to explore on the island. Most tourists were over 30 (all farang) and stayed close to where the boats docked. We walked around to the other size of island and had a stretch to ourselves for a chunk of time. Perfect white sand. Yes, I went swimming (in a bikini even)! That’s what got me cooked like chicken in the microwave. I am really red and painful and slathering on the aloe vera. Pom tried some snorkeling, but said the area was damaged and he only saw a few fish and sea urchins.
A couple of pictures are posted here: Krabi Vacation
The planning for this was all last minute, my guidebook out of date, and the hotel/spa choices on the internet overwhelming. So, we decided to find a hotel once we arrived and hoped they weren’t booked solid. We flew into Krabi town, but it simply acts as a jumping off point for tours and other beach locations. Pom had fun on his first Commercial air flight on Nok (bird in Thai) Air, though for some reason he was shy about using the toilet in flight. On our return after delay due to a heavy rainstorm, we hit perfect timing and saw an incredible sunset and then the lights of BKK at night.
Anyway, so the range of accommodations in the area ranges from rock-bottom windowless rooms to 5 star resort spas with private villas and beaches. On the recommendation of a tour guide we took a Songtaew bus (back of a pickup) to Ao Nang beach and looked for a room there. I was a bit shocked at the high prices, and after spending about two hours walking from hotel to hotel and seeing some shabby rooms at some places, all in the same price range, I settled on a mid-range hotel for $60/night (disgustingly expensive in Pom’s view, but I wanted a relaxing atmosphere and a good shower): Alis Hotel
Even the 5 star resorts are not horrendously expensive in Western terms. You could book yourself a fancy suite or villa with private Jacuzzi and free use of kayaks, snorkeling gear, ATV’s, etc. for $250/night on a private white sand beach.
You could probably use about a week to exhaust the possibilities in and around Krabi, but after my sunburn (luckily on our last full day), I was tired and hot and ready to leave. All of the tour agencies and vendors sell the same basic itineraries and trinkets so prices are kept competitive. The choices range from longtail boat trips to nearby beaches, islands, or a longer larger boat trip to Phi Phi island (the one thing we wish we had time to explore). Lots of horseback/elephant riding and kayak options to tour the mangroves. We decided not to sign up for an all day kayak tour because we had limited time to explore on our own.
I expected the beaches to be claustrophobically crowded, but it was just the opposite. The town, in fact, was a bit depressingly quiet at night. Pom had difficulty finding a good bar with music for a drink. It was the high tourist season, but the shopkeepers lamented they are still seeing low numbers after the Tsunami.
Our first full day we spent exploring the fancy resorts along Ao Nang and the massage huts along the beach. We both got a 2 hour Thai massage ($5/hour!) on the beach, the combination of sea air, sheer limestone cliffs, pure white sand, and emerald waters perfectly calming despite the masseuse chattering away.
The next day we woke early and hailed a longtail boat to tour four surrounding islands. Our first stop was Poda, but when we disembarked the driver informed us this would be the only stop. He refused to tour other areas and the ticket booth where we bought the tickets on the mainland even lied to Pom about the trip. But, there was nothing we could do about it and were “stuck” for 5 hours on Poda. Turns out the beach never got close to being crowded (even when more boat tours arrived later in the day) and there are basic bungalows available for rent on the island for $25/night with a beachfront view (if we only knew before we booked our expensive “boutique hotel.”). The catch? The island was underwater after the Tsunami and is a RED HAZARD ZONE. Regardless, we found plenty to explore on the island. Most tourists were over 30 (all farang) and stayed close to where the boats docked. We walked around to the other size of island and had a stretch to ourselves for a chunk of time. Perfect white sand. Yes, I went swimming (in a bikini even)! That’s what got me cooked like chicken in the microwave. I am really red and painful and slathering on the aloe vera. Pom tried some snorkeling, but said the area was damaged and he only saw a few fish and sea urchins.
A couple of pictures are posted here: Krabi Vacation
Never a Sure Thing
So, I can cry now, right? I sat down at my computer with optimism and a renewed energy to move forward and make this day better – happier. I checked email. Letter from Fulbright. Short-non-encouraging. No grant. I think it is worse too, when it was built up in my mind to be so positive, *almost* a sure thing. The committee at UMass said it was one of the best grants they have ever read. I got through the first screening stage in the USA. I spent so much effort organizing the letters and language forms – too much to want to try to reapply. I am devastated. I had been counting on this flexible grant for my country-wide interview surveys – my work for this year. I really really thought this one would come through – especially after the Lindbergh being so close it felt like I should get something, so something would work out. But, this is not happy, everything falls into place because you work hard, land. It is reality and the meat of graduate school barriers and emotional roller-coasters. I feel the past proposals I wrote were solid and darn good—but, not apparently good enough. And that doesn’t get me anything.
Return to KYNP
Khao Yai National Park (KYNP) after being away for 6 months. No Pom. It feels different – sad and lonely in a quiet run-down way. The door to our old room at Baan Glang Pai is locked and barricaded. Students are sleeping in the massage room. Old cooking supplies are heaped in the corner of the kitchen with the nice beautiful, long heavy slab of wood table going unused – it all collecting dust. Pom’s Buddha statue is gone, stolen. I’m sleeping for the week in my and Kanda’s old room – Kanda and Pim elected to sleep elsewhere in tents—the room has no working toilet and is covered in cobwebs and dirt. It is obvious Kanda hasn’t stayed for months here. I’m sitting out in the front on the steps enjoying the cool clean weather and forest sounds. Amazing how amplified and beautiful and obvious the bird sounds are after being in the city. AND THE AIR! When I used to stay here more long-term all of that would blend into the background. I want to blend into the background. I feel a gaping, gnawing sadness to seeing this place again so dejected. I wonder if we will ever try to return and make it home again.
Life in Ari, Bangkok
It doesn’t feel as though I’ve been here for 2 weeks already. I had Thai on Monday and Tuesday with two different teachers. Monday’s teacher, Khun Nui, is more like a slow grade school teacher following the book and catching my every pronunciation. Wednesday’s Khun Nhauy is more conversational and started me on reading. I listened to some students at a lower level and I am glad I have progressed beyond very basic on my own. I hope the script and reading comes back to me quickly after not studying this last school semester…I get myself up to go to class, but by the time the two hours are through I don’t feel like much else for the day. Still, if I could consistently study 2 hours of Thai a day, every day, I might get somewhere.
Our apartment is setup for me to be productive with Internet access in the room. On one side of the sky train station, Ari, are traditional Thai street vendors with 30 baht meals and a 7-11 store. We can buy flowers, fruit rice, kanom, fish, soup, newspapers, pirated CD’s, and trinkets. On the other side of the sky train station is a new “farang”-style market place with an air-conditioned supermarket specializing in imported foods, pricey restaurants, ice-cream, Starbucks, and a gym. This weekend we sat and listened to a jazz band in the square. Two worlds – all convenient. It might be difficult to get me back to living in the forest with the rats of Khao Yai.
Our apartment is setup for me to be productive with Internet access in the room. On one side of the sky train station, Ari, are traditional Thai street vendors with 30 baht meals and a 7-11 store. We can buy flowers, fruit rice, kanom, fish, soup, newspapers, pirated CD’s, and trinkets. On the other side of the sky train station is a new “farang”-style market place with an air-conditioned supermarket specializing in imported foods, pricey restaurants, ice-cream, Starbucks, and a gym. This weekend we sat and listened to a jazz band in the square. Two worlds – all convenient. It might be difficult to get me back to living in the forest with the rats of Khao Yai.
PhD Comprehensive Exams
I PASSED. It feels absolutely wonderful and anti-climatic at the same time. The exam lasted 2 and ½ hours and I actually felt pretty relaxed throughout – in no ways fun exactly, but I was smiling and interacting and answering questions. Toward the end they kind of ran out of questions and said they didn’t want to ask anything more so I thought I was golden. Then, Todd asked about key Evolutionary Biologists and I blanked and it went downhill. That hit my weak spot. Exposed. It was weird because overall, the questions didn’t seem hard enough – I expected more zingers where I thought I’d be at a complete loss or end up in tears. Maybe I have matured enough to be able to keep myself calm. When I left the room for them to deliberate I honestly thought I’d nailed it to the best of my ability. I thought there was no way they could not pass me. I did heaps better than my performance during my Kzoo oral comps. And, I am proud of that.
So, I was very surprised when I got back in the room and they were disappointed. They passed me, but it wasn’t stellar and was provisional upon me returning for a few extra classes and to teach a course. These are all reasonable, will enhance my degree, and I would probably have ended up doing anyway. It is a bit annoying that I can’t say I am completely done with classes, but I never really would be anytime. In a way I feel they are just pushing me – expected, but annoying because I do plenty of that myself!
So, I wasn’t one of those students (one out of 5 according to Todd) who absolutely “nailed” it and yes, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that that does disappoint me, but I didn’t really expect (require) that of myself for this (I wanted to yes,), but this area of thinking on my feet and thinking in front of people I feel are judging me in some way is my weakness and I did better than I ever would have dreamed and that is something to be proud of. I could really notice an improvement in my confidence level compared to as an undergraduate and that was the biggest revelation that came out of today. I am improving.
So, I was very surprised when I got back in the room and they were disappointed. They passed me, but it wasn’t stellar and was provisional upon me returning for a few extra classes and to teach a course. These are all reasonable, will enhance my degree, and I would probably have ended up doing anyway. It is a bit annoying that I can’t say I am completely done with classes, but I never really would be anytime. In a way I feel they are just pushing me – expected, but annoying because I do plenty of that myself!
So, I wasn’t one of those students (one out of 5 according to Todd) who absolutely “nailed” it and yes, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that that does disappoint me, but I didn’t really expect (require) that of myself for this (I wanted to yes,), but this area of thinking on my feet and thinking in front of people I feel are judging me in some way is my weakness and I did better than I ever would have dreamed and that is something to be proud of. I could really notice an improvement in my confidence level compared to as an undergraduate and that was the biggest revelation that came out of today. I am improving.
The Game of Life
Of course I can’t sleep again. Although it is 1am and I was in bed by 11:30pm. I just hit the pillow and that is like a signal for my brain to begin analyzing all of the possible paths of my future. I went out to dinner with Anna tonight and she asked me if I would consider living in Thailand. The short answer is yes, but there is more to it than that and I end up back at “I don’t know.” And she replied, well, you may not know what you want or where you want to be, but you’ll end up doing something. One way or another life continues on.