PhD Comprehensive Exams

I PASSED. It feels absolutely wonderful and anti-climatic at the same time. The exam lasted 2 and ½ hours and I actually felt pretty relaxed throughout – in no ways fun exactly, but I was smiling and interacting and answering questions. Toward the end they kind of ran out of questions and said they didn’t want to ask anything more so I thought I was golden. Then, Todd asked about key Evolutionary Biologists and I blanked and it went downhill. That hit my weak spot. Exposed. It was weird because overall, the questions didn’t seem hard enough – I expected more zingers where I thought I’d be at a complete loss or end up in tears. Maybe I have matured enough to be able to keep myself calm. When I left the room for them to deliberate I honestly thought I’d nailed it to the best of my ability. I thought there was no way they could not pass me. I did heaps better than my performance during my Kzoo oral comps. And, I am proud of that. 

So, I was very surprised when I got back in the room and they were disappointed. They passed me, but it wasn’t stellar and was provisional upon me returning for a few extra classes and to teach a course. These are all reasonable, will enhance my degree, and I would probably have ended up doing anyway. It is a bit annoying that I can’t say I am completely done with classes, but I never really would be anytime. In a way I feel they are just pushing me – expected, but annoying because I do plenty of that myself!

So, I wasn’t one of those students (one out of 5 according to Todd) who absolutely “nailed” it and yes, I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that that does disappoint me, but I didn’t really expect (require) that of myself for this (I wanted to yes,), but this area of thinking on my feet and thinking in front of people I feel are judging me in some way is my weakness and I did better than I ever would have dreamed and that is something to be proud of. I could really notice an improvement in my confidence level compared to as an undergraduate and that was the biggest revelation that came out of today. I am improving.